after all this time
I still get nervous around you.
Of what to say
and how to project it,
hoping it doesn’t come out foolishly.
My mind races;
thinking of all the witty things to say to you
counting my fingers and toes
and double checking my facts.
Because the idea of you reacting negatively
terrifies me.
I’m so vulnerable in front of you that
my naked body shakes.
Could you even look at me,
without my flower petals?

I thought I was only drawn to you
because you were a pillar of strength to lean on.
Now that I can stand on my own,
I know the butterflies won’t disappear

So I stand frozen,
hoping the fever will pass
Swallowing the butterflies back down
Cradling my melting heart
and show you the pillar I am today
like you were for me.

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